.tied up.

Saturday, October 16, 2004

weak.

i'm feeling super weak.
wait.
i am weak.
sigh.
i must admit i really haven't been training.
haven't trined since promos started.
haven't trained much during the diarrhoea month.
haven't gym-ed or ran much either.
haven't done my home training much too...
i'm weak.
and i know it.
and i only have myself to blame.
the last time i ran proper and did gym proper was after the whole lot of medicine and diarhoea madness and promos.
and tt was like super weird.
cause i haven't did gym in ages.
they didn't let me.
and also cause my body really wasn't getting any better in tt one month.
and when i finally did gym.
my weights crashed like mad!
i couldn't do my usual heavy weights.
i dropped like 1-2 slabs.
i'm dead.
but the run was good.
but i'm dead.
did home training on thrusday night.
after promos was over and stuff...
and GOODNESS!
i couldn't even do 100 push ups proper.
): i'm weak.
i did 50.
then i felt like crap.
did 20.
felt like dying.
did 10.
arms were weak.
did 5, 5, 5, 5.
felt like crap.
really.
never felt to lousy abt myself.
did my sit ups.
still as lousy as always.
bleagh.
oh well.
i realised there's no time to even train up for training on monday.
there really isn't anytime.
my whole sat and sun's booked.
full!
i'm dead.
i'm gonna die during training on monday.
i'm sorry if i lag behind.
):
it's my fault.
from the start.
i should have heeded ur advice and saw a doc earlier.
i should have prioritised my time better to fit in gym sessions and all...
crap.
no point talking abt "should haves"
i guess it's all really come down to this.
i'm weak.
and i admit me.
i confess.
i better keep my mental strong.
i need it to survive.
):
anyway.
you have been such a great big distraction.
u confuse me like crazy.
i don't know what u want.
and when i tell myself to stop it and not think abt it.
i start to think abt it more.
i can't tell u what i'm feeling.
cause it's just to anticlimax.
but i hope one day (and i hope it's soon),
you'll tell me what in the world is going on.
so i can figure out what i'm supposed to do.
stop making me confused.
stop making me think so much.
i can't brush this aside.

weak.

[ Jude whispered ][ 8:48 AM ]

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